How Pleasure Empowers

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I'm coming at you today with a topic that can be considered taboo but one that I feel is extremely important to talk about - and talk about in an open, honest way. 


I mean this in all aspects of the word. Self-pleasure is one of our most natural instincts yet it can be a subject surrounded by shame, guilt and embarrassment. This topic of self-pleasure is multi-layered and complex but for today I want to share with you my thoughts on how self-pleasure leads to a more empowered, confident us.

Self-pleasure, in my experience, has empowered my relationship with self and my relationship with others.

Yes, self-pleasure can refer to masturbation but it can also mean moving toward joy, moving toward the type of pleasure that fuels creativity and passion.

This meeting with pleasure is accessible. The practice, though, is opening up to your inherent capacity to feel...deeply. And what a fabulously feminine quality it is to open - to surrender and to receive the huge amount of highly sensitive and subtle sensations coursing through you at each moment. It takes trust and permission. Sometimes, it takes us having the courage to push past our edges into a realm that can at first feel uncomfortable but then reveals exquisite liberation and a beautiful blossoming of our potential.

Surrender: a fabulous feminine quality


When we carve out space to surrender - to simply be - we gain greater access to the blossoming occurring within us in each moment. These are blossomings that we may not even be aware of in our day-to-day life but when we open and surrender, we become more sensitive to them. These sensations grow stronger until we are in conversation with our sensations, our joy, our pleasure - these qualities that are our birthright. 

We can start by pleasuring ourselves physically, getting to know our bodies on a more intimate level. If we start engaging in self-pleasure alone, eventually this practice expands out to other areas of our lives. We seek pleasure in our work, in our relationships, in the way we move through our daily life. We exude a radiant, confident energy - the energy of a woman in close conversation with her body - and this washes over others in our life. We start by pleasuring ourselves first and naturally we give others permission to do the same. We become a world driven by passion and pleasure rather than confusion and shame. We release the stories that debilitate us, shed unnecessary information and reclaim those stories that illustrate our authenticity and truth.

The Practice


If you are new to self-pleasure, start slow. this practice is all about cultivating a more meaningful relationship with your body. orgasm is not the goal here. the goal is to start a conversation with your body and give it some much deserved love, gratitude and care. 

start simple.

when you get out of the shower, take some coconut oil and apply it to your vagina, using slow and gentle strokes. (Hot tip: coconut oil is great for your precious area - it has antibacterial and antimicrobial properties so it prevents vaginal infections. it also keeps the tissues of the vagina healthy!) Vaginal massage is a simple and powerful way to send loving energy to your lady parts and it only takes a few moments. Massage and stroke where and how you'd like, telling your body how much you love her! 

In some ancient cultures, sex was recognized as a path to the sacred Divine. It was an ecstatic practice that led to cosmic oneness and bliss and was considered proof of divine love. In these traditions, there was no distinction between mind, body, heart and spirit. All were seen as rooms in the same holy temple.

In many sex-positive cultures, sexuality was also an important part of sacred ceremony. Erotic rituals were practiced to express reverence, heal sickness and insure fertility. Sexual magic was used to create abundance and fruitfulness at the individual, tribal and earthly levels.

Tossed about as we are on the waves of our miser-message culture, it may be difficult for us to envision sex as a joyful, loving, compassionate path involving ecstatic spiritual practice. Rituals that involve sexuality, erotic energy and ecstatic states can seem shocking and blasphemous when viewed through Western civilization’s lens of profanity and shame. The reality, though, is that our sexuality has the potential to be sacred as well as intensely pleasurable.
— Sheri Winston, Women's Anatomy of Arousal


Stay with the simple practice of vaginal massage or take it further if you desire. Play with yourself and notice what feels good - what type of pressure, touch and speed suits your needs. Do this as an exploration. Get to know what your vagina feels like and how it changes at different levels of arousal. Use it as a meditation. try to relax all your muscles and breathe deep and slow, staying present in the moment and letting the mind take a back seat.

Take as long as you need, again, not necessarily having orgasm be the end goal (since this can take us out of the moment). Be with the pleasure in that very moment. Think of it as a type of meditation. Breathe into the sensations you feel and be in wonderment of your body's powerful ways.

14 Reasons how self-pleasure can be wildly empowering: 

1. It roots us in our sexuality - in all of the qualities that make us feminine.

2. It feels good and teaches us how to move toward pleasure in all areas of our lives, not just sexually.

3. It shines a light on our desires and helps us manifest those desires.

4. It allows us to celebrate our miraculous bodies.

5. It helps us set boundaries and be selfish in a healthy way

6. It promotes love, gratitude and mindfulness toward our bodies

7. it exposes us to the power of self-intimacy

8. it empowers the relationship we have with our incredible feminine bodies

9. it connects us to our gift of creation

10. it makes us vulnerable and vulnerability is a beautiful place of courage, connection and an embracing of all aspects of who we are.

11. Self-pleasure can be a form of meditation and a way to connect with the breath and our body's natural rhythms.

12. It reduces stress and sends happy chemicals through our whole being

13. it creates a natural high

14. it dissolves the outside world and amplifies our inner world

Read more reasons why self-pleasure is an excellent form of self-care.

I would love to hear how this landed for you! any thoughts on the topic of self-pleasure, passion and moving toward your desires? Leave a comment below and let's start a conversation! 

Thank you for being here and sharing this space with me. It means so much...